Dream

I've been feeling tired, sluggish, overwhelmed, worried, etc. the past few days. You know that feeling when your body just seems too heavy to lift early in the morning and you'd rather stay in bed all day. I've been getting some extra minutes of sleep in the morning to make up for it. 

It's a vicious cycle. I feel too sleepy at night so I go to bed early. Problem is, I end up waking up at dawn. I check my phone for about an hour then I go back to sleep. Then I feel sleepy again when I wake up in the morning. 

This morning was no different. The little boy woke up at around 8. I felt too lazy to get up so I set an alarm for 10 minutes to get a bit of an extension. And as short as that extension may be, that was when Tatay finally visited me in my dreams. A first since he left us in November. A first even after numerous prayers at night for him to come into my dreams to reassure me that he's okay. 

We were in Solenad. True Value to be exact. There was a political rally. A pink one most probably because we were there. There were a lot of people walking around. True Value was getting crowded. I was with my sister near the door. Tatay was far away from us but we could still see him. We were calling him to leave because there were too many people already. But he waved us off, showed us a pastry that he was eating, and signaled that he's fine and would finish his food first. He sat down. And then my alarm rang. 

The dream seemed insignificant at first. When I woke up, I was just happy that I dreamt of Tatay. But now that I've been able to reflect properly, was it Tatay's way of telling me to go forth and carry on? That I still have a long way to go so I have no right to feel sluggish? And that he's fine. And that if I feel too overwhelmed, he will still be there in the background, cheering me on, waving me off, and pushing me to move forward, even if these could only happen in my dreams. 

I miss you, Tats. Please come visit me in my dreams more often.