Skip to main content

Affirmation

I may seem confident and strong on the outside but I'm actually very vulnerable and fragile. I may not show it but I yearn for affirmation from time to time. That's the reason why I easily get affected when I get criticisms or put-downs. And it hurts me most when it comes from people close to me.

I can relate to one player in our school's basketball team. Guy seems nice with his quiet demeanor and boyish looks. However, for some reason, coaches always pick on him. He makes a mistake then the coaches take turns berating him. Maybe they want him to toughen up, improve his skills, etc. But what's great about this guy is, he doesn't seem to let those things affect him. What broke my heart was when I saw him return to the bench one time. Normally, coaches would give you a pat on the back for a job well done. Or you can get an earful if you made errors. But this guy, he was the one who approached his coach, with wondering eyes and the thumbs up sign. The poor hijo was asking for an affirmation from his coach if he did a good job. I can no longer recall the coach's response. But that scene will forever be etched in my memory.

Why? Because that's me. When I cook, I always look at my "customer's" reaction during that first bite. I'm no cook so I rarely get good reviews. And in a household like ours where compliments are seldom given, I usually get the good review halfway through or even towards the end of mealtime. Apply that to the different roles I have to play and that's me, the puppy yearning for an affirmation, that thumbs up. But let's face it. The world doesn't work that way. What we often get are humiliation, disapproval, etc. - sometimes even for instances when we're just doing our job right.

I'm not sure if this trait makes people like me easy preys for folks like those coaches who are always ready to pounce on that poor player. Maybe because we're passive and non-confrontational? Maybe because they know we'll be overwhelmed by the emotions before we can create a decent comeback?

I don't really know. All I know is that it sucks everytime the scene replays in your head and you wish you were able to defend yourself even just a little bit.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dream

I've been feeling tired, sluggish, overwhelmed, worried, etc. the past few days. You know that feeling when your body just seems too heavy to lift early in the morning and you'd rather stay in bed all day. I've been getting some extra minutes of sleep in the morning to make up for it.  It's a vicious cycle. I feel too sleepy at night so I go to bed early. Problem is, I end up waking up at dawn. I check my phone for about an hour then I go back to sleep. Then I feel sleepy again when I wake up in the morning.  This morning was no different. The little boy woke up at around 8. I felt too lazy to get up so I set an alarm for 10 minutes to get a bit of an extension. And as short as that extension may be, that was when Tatay finally visited me in my dreams. A first since he left us in November. A first even after numerous prayers at night for him to come into my dreams to reassure me that he's okay.  We were in Solenad. True Value to be exact. There was a political rally...
Post a Comment
Read more

Twelve Years Later

I've been sickly lately. I have not been updating this blog. I've been feeling bleak, sluggish, lazy, and all other negative adjectives you can insert here. Finally, I've got something nice to write about. Tonight, my husband, sister, and I are going to Hong Kong. I am so excited. I was there 12 years ago and I'm sure a lot has changed since then. At that time, we traveled with my parents. We had a number of kababayans who gladly volunteered to be our tour guide. This time, only my siblings and I are going there. Everything was planned by my hardworking brother. We're staying there until Tuesday. Hopefully, my blog entry will be ready by October. =) *picture courtesy of http://www.thepeak.com.hk/en/5_5_1.asp
Post a Comment
Read more

Life Goes On

I've never been good with goodbyes. I used to cry when our helpers left. And nothing much has changed now. Our current all-around is going back home to care for her kids. She's trustworthy but we're not very fond of her. She can be annoying sometimes. She spends most days dillydallying just waiting for the hours to pass her by. Her cooking is inconsistent. Her cleaning leaves so much to be desired. She keeps on going back to her province for a variety of reasons. She's forgetful. She's easily confused. My husband and I talked in the past that it was really okay if she wanted to leave because she will not be that big a loss. Our yaya actually does more work than the all-around. So we should be rejoicing, right? Well, part of us is relieved because we can start anew with someone who will hopefully be better. But part of me is also sad because whatever you say, she's been with us for more than a year (the longest so far among our helpers). She knows the routine...
Post a Comment
Read more